The worst competition of my life:
This was the European Powerlifting Championship 2018 in Kauans Lithuania.
In the last 6 month I had to take my head out of dark wholes many times. This prep was far from easy but worth it. Every single lift today, every single red light ever single moment sucked. But mid competition I was amused.
Bombing squats - definitely not on anybodies wish list, not even mine. Was I a competitor with numbers that are worthy of an international fight. No not today. Was my mind and spirit worthy of being exactly where I was - YES. Did I walk out onto the platform for every lift YES.
I’m lying in my hotel room and I don’t regret a single thing. I have grown and started to trust my instincts. These 3 hours of competition have given me so much clarity about my life.
What made my day so SHIT today: I needed to make weight - actually not too much, but it’s how I needed to make it. Will I ever do it again - HELL NO. Was it possible to do it differently this time NO. I made each step of the way that this challenge provided. Will I redo it like that NO bc I’m not stupid just crazy 😜.
This photo from @dedicatedsportsmedia is perfect to sum up the competition, this experience and this failure: I AM HAPPY.
Thank you Coach @thebarbellprogram for taking this ride with me. It was a first for both of us.
Thank you to my family and my friends and everybody who wrote me and believed and still believes in me. It is never what you experience it’s who’s there when you make your experiences. And I for sure have a life full and rich in loving, strong and incredible individuals around me.
If you fail - FAIL BIG
So here is the detailed answer to what actually went wrong:
I stopped listening to myself. I didn’t follow my instinct. That’s all. .
Lesson #1 Trust your guts!
Bodyweight has been an issue for the past 6 months. Not that I wake up right on 57kg during the year but there was some brutal fluctuations since worlds in June. Training and food didn’t go hand in hand. And I lost joy in everything I actually liked doing and in being strong. Everybody who has ever met me - JOY IS WHAT MAKES ME THRIVE! .
Lessons #2 Listen to your heart!
Leading up to Europeans I was on a quiet brutal cut protocol with a tight watercut which ended with no water or food for 36h and 2 big sauna sessions because my body wouldn’t let go of 800g! If you say now 800g is nothing then you have never actually went all the way on a cut where there was just nothing to loose anymore. .
Lesson#3 Listen to your brain!
I had the choice to fuck it all and give it everything to enter the competition and hope that somehow magically I will rehydrate fast AF. I went all the way - weighed in at 57,00kg. I did what I needed to do but I just went to far before. .
I AM GRATEFUL for failing quiet so big and having everyone watch! (Believe me that’s the hardest part) .
I will never cut, watercut or do anything similar again. I LOVE MY BODY TOO MUCH FOR THAT. .
Physically I was in the worst shape ever on a plattform but mentally I have never been stronger. I would never quit [a competition] until it’s actually over. There was never a doubt that I would walk out for each attempt and finish. .
I did give myself a moment to cry about it in the evening, because I care. I made a lot of decisions about my nutrition and will take all matters in my own hands because I know my body the best.
Probably one of the most important experiences in the past 10 years physically and mentally. So all in all, a fucking amazing unexpected and very important competition! .
I will stand back on the plattform mentally and physically strong like never before - I know it!